TV Networks to Reduce

Broadcast Hours

(New York) - The major 24-hour cable TV news networks have bowed to public pressure to stop reporting unimportant, non-national news stories. According to viewers, just because there is a picture or a video of an event, or a reporter nearby, doesn't mean an event is newsworthy or that viewers around the country and around the world want to see it.

Such non-newsworthy stories include: local traffic accidents, local homicides, and Amber Alerts for missing kids in places like Bumfork, Iowa (it's not likely that the kid will be spotted thousands of miles away in Miami or New York).

News networks will also clearly separate news stories from entertainment stories. Stories about cute animals, and celebrities in trouble with the law, will remain as news.

As a result of eliminating non-important, non-relevant, non-national, non-world shattering news stories, the major cable TV networks will reduce hours of broadcasting; from the current 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, to 15 minutes daily.

The above headline and story is not true. It was made up, by the author, solely as comedy, with no intent to harm or offend. Any of it which turns out to be true, in whole or in part, is purely coincidental ... and would be even funnier.

copyright Andrew Lawrence. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced, in whole or in part, without written permission.