Panting Pets Protest

Petty Prettying

According to a new survey by veterinarians, dogs and cats do not enjoy being clothed in cute sweaters or jackets or pants or hats or sunglasses ...

In fact, it can make pets feel stupid and depressed. "It may look cute to humans," says veterinarian C. Spot Runn, a vet from San Diego, California. "But pets are not humans, they are animals, and animals do not wear clothes."

A pet psychic from Palo Alto agrees. "I've talked to hundreds of cats and dogs, in their own language," says pet psychic, Ima Nutt, "And they all tell me they wear pet clothes for one reason and one reason only ... to please their owners." Says Nutt, one pooch politely panted, "I am not a doll, I'm a dog. Wearing pet clothes is demeaning. When my owner walks me and I'm wearing pet clothes the other dogs laugh at me. And they also have trouble sniffing my rear end."

A huge trend, pet owners spend tens of millions of dollars every year on clothes and accessories for their pets. What's next, Dior for dogs? Chanel for cats?

According to the latest survey, 90% of household pets would prefer that, instead of buying pet clothes, pet owners donate an extra $100 to a pet charity.

And, as for spaying or neutering, how would YOU like it?

The above headline and story is not true. It was made up, by the author, solely as comedy, with no intent to harm or offend. Any of it which turns out to be true, in whole or in part, is purely coincidental ... and would be even funnier.

copyright 2007 Andrew Lawrence. All rights reserved.