World To End

On Monday

official doomsday clock

(Las Vegas) - According to well known Las Vegas odds maker, Ivantu Gamble, the world will end on Monday.

"All the signs are there for the end of the human race," says Ivantu. "Global warming, fossil fuel depletion, war, real estate overdevelopment, environmental disasters, gluttony, greed, cigarette smoking, drugs, celebrity DUI's, genocide, war, $400 haircuts, overspending by Congress, and breast implants (OK, maybe not breast implants).

When asked why the world will end on Monday as opposed to another day of the week, Gamble responded, "I calculated it based on astrology, numerology, archeology, psychology, theology and proctology. Then I flipped a coin".

A spokesperson for the 4-Day Workweek Assn said, "Nobody likes to go to work on Monday. If the world is going to end on Monday you wouldn't have to bother to go to work on Monday; you could take Monday off and make it a long weekend."

The odds of the world ending on a Monday are 1 in 7.

The above headline and story is not true. It was made up, by the author, solely as comedy, with no intent to harm or offend. Any of it which turns out to be true, in whole or in part, is purely coincidental ... and would be even funnier.

copyright Andrew Lawrence. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced, in whole or in part, without written permission.