L.A. To Open New Jail -

For Celebrities Only

(Los Angeles) - In response to the public uproar over celebrities getting special treatment when they run afoul of the law, the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department will open a new upscale jail to house celebrity convicts.

The jail is nestled in the heart of trendy upscale Beverly HIlls, centrally located for Hollywood celebs and soon-to-be celebrity ex-cons. The jail will have all the amenties of a resort hotel and will feature large, comfy, designer decorated "incarceration suites". Each suite will contain computers with high speed internet access, free cell phones and big sceen TV. The jail will provide inmates with a "gourmet dining experience", with menus created by Wolfgang Puck, an indoor pool and spa, adjacent 9-hole golf course and, of course, late night party rooms.

Other features include valet parking, unlimited visiting hours and unlimited conjugal visits from groupies, boy toys and adoring fans.

In addition, plastic surgery and teeth whitening will also be available to inmates.

The taxpayer cost for housing a celebrity inmate in this facility is $28,000 a day.

According to a sheriff spokesperson, "Now, the public can be satisfied that celebrities who break the law and get convicted will be sent to jail, just like everybody else. And, with the opening of this new incarceration facility, the rich and famous won't mind being sent to jail here. Everybody wins."

The above headline and story is not true. It was made up, by the author, solely as comedy, with no intent to harm or offend. Any of it which turns out to be true, in whole or in part, is purely coincidental ... and would be even funnier.

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