Friday

Universal Studio Pollutes Air



June 1, 2008 Los Angeles - A large smoky fire on the back lot of famed Universal Studios today heavily polluted the air in Los Angeles' nearby San Fernando Valley, bring stinging criticism from extreme environmentalists throughout California.

One member of the group, "If It's Green, It's Clean" stated, "How could Universal let this happen? The huge smoky fire not only violates the EPA Clean Air Standards of California but makes it hard for birds, insects and animals to breathe and to see where they are going. Shame."

A spokesperson for the Los Angeles chapter of "Places Without People" commented, "See. Today's fire is another good reason we don't want people in California and another good reason to regulate all the dirty people who are already here, polluting the environment and displacing animals with their dirty stinking cars and their dirty stinking buildings. Los Angeles was a better place hundreds of years ago when it was owned by Mexico. And before that when it was inhabited only by Native Americans. Los Angeles has been ruined by white people, excluding Democrats, and white people, excluding Democrats, should pay for ruining it."

The fire was contained and no threat to the immediate area's human population, consisting mainly of wealthy Hollywood liberals in their multi-million dollar homes.

Meanwhile, in spite of the fire, the Universal Theme Park opened for business as usual, albeit late, and the Universal Studio Tour and all the rides and restaurants were eagerly awaiting the normal Sunday hordes of money-spewing tourists. Officials at Universal said that since the fire was an unplanned event tourists would not be charged extra for the pyrotechnic event and its spectacular visual special effects. Consider it a freebie.

However, tomorrow, prices for all Hollywood movie, TV and music products worldwide are expected to be dramatically increased to cover the cost of rebuilding Universal's back lot. A spokesperson for the Coalition of Hollywood Liberals stated, "It's only fair. Hollywood doesn't pay, we always make the public pay. That's show biz."

And, as we all know, there's no business like show business.