U.S. To Acquire Canada

(Ottawa) - The United States has made an offer to buy its northern neighbor, Canada, for an undisclosed amount of American dollars.

According to a spokesperson for the U.S. State Dept, "The U.S. needs more room, what with all the illegal immigrants coming here. We already have 300+ million people living in the U.S. and we're running out of space; we need more real estate."

The Dept of Homeland Security released the statement, "The acquisition of Canada is good for our nation's security. If we absorbed Canada, we wouldn't have to bother with securing our northern border, as our northern border would be the Artic Ocean."

High-level government officals in Ottawa, the capital of Canada, could not be reached for comment, as they were all on vacation in California.

The above headline and story is not true. It was made up, by the author, solely as comedy, with no intent to harm or offend. Any of it which turns out to be true, in whole or in part, is purely coincidental ... and would be even funnier.

copyright Andrew Lawrence. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced, in whole or in part, without written permission.