Smoking, Not Money,

Is The Root Of All Evil

A new report by the American Anti-Smoking Crusade shows that smoking has surpassed money as the root of all evil.

Smoking has been linked to heart disease, lung disease, foot & mouth disease, coughing, sneezing, wheezing, teasing, drug addiction, prostitution, gambling, drinking, smuggling, and panhandling. Smoking is also known to occur directly after fornication.

According to the report, smoking is now considered to be the root cause of illegal immigration, air pollution, forest fires, littering, clogged sewers, recession, low gas mileage, corporate greed, adultery, divorce, teenage pregnancy, whining, obesity, anorexia and erectile dysfunction.

It is the leading cause of illiteracy and poverty and the deterioration of the American education system, K-12.

Smoking is also known to cause war, drought, famine, global warming and menopause (both male and female). Smoking is also a major factor in celebrity bad behavior and political corruption scandals.

In America, smoking has become a sin. In America, smoking in public is considered to be worse than pissing in public. Smoking may soon be banned everywhere throughout the country or at the very least punishable by stoning. In America, smokers have no rights and are heavily abused and heavily taxed by non-smokers.

In America, money is no longer the root of all evil. In America, the root of all evil is now smoking.

The above headline and story is not true. It was made up, by the author, solely as comedy, with no intent to harm or offend. Any of it which turns out to be true, in whole or in part, is purely coincidental ... and would be even funnier.

copyright Andrew Lawrence. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced, in whole or in part, without written permission.