(Washington) - The U.S. Congress is considering a new federal tax on sexual activity. The proposed controverial bill would levy a flat tax on each sexual occurance, per person.
Some of the activities and tax rates include:
foreplay: $2.69
intercourse: $10.99
Alternatively, taxpayers can opt for a volume discount, allowing unlimited sexual activity for a flat $100 per month per person.
Rebates will be issued for premature ejaculation and coitus interruptus.
Group sex will taxed per participant. Gay sex is not exempt (the gov't does not discriminate). Prostitution is likely to be legalized, as the government would like to get at all those previously untaxed earnings and extra tax dollars. Oral sex may become exempt as, according to ex-president Bill Clinton, oral sex is not sex.
The sex tax is expected to generate additional tax revenues of $500 billion annually, which will be spent on incredibly stupid and wasteful government programs and outrageous perks for high ranking government employees and their cronies.
In addition, the National Guard will be put under IRS jurisdiction and reassigned as sex police, for surveillance and monitoring of U.S. bedrooms, as well as parked cars with steamy windows.
A Democratic spokesperson, commenting on the proposed sex tax stated, "We need to spend more money. That's what government does. And to do that we need to have more tax dollars. Why not a sex tax? You play, you pay. That's the American way. If you don't want to be taxed on your sexual activity or, if you can't afford the tax, don't have sex. A sex tax is a small price to pay for having sex in America. Privacy issues? Personal freedoms? We're the government, we don't care."
One prominent taxpayer watchdog group, commenting on the proposed new tax on sex, states, "The government has always had its hand in the taxpayers' pocket. Now, it wants to have its hand in our pants!"
DISCLAIMER
The above headline and story is not true. It was made up, by the author, solely as comedy, with no intent to harm or offend. Any of it which turns out to be true, in whole or in part, is purely coincidental ... and would be even funnier.
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