Congress Considers Cell

Phone Etiquette Law

(Washington) - Due to millions of U.S. cell phone users who insensitively and inappropriately use their cell phones in public, to the detriment of society, the U.S. Congress is considering a Cell Phone Etiquette Law. The proposed law includes the following infractions and punishments ...

Infraction: talking loudly on a cell phone in a public place, disturbing and/or annoying those around you. Violators shall be punished by being forced to listen to 30 minutes of Tiny Tim's Greatest Hits.

Infraction: abruptly interrupting a face-to-face conversation to answer your cell phone. Violators shall be punished by immediately giving the other person all the cash in their wallet. If more than 1 person, i.e. a group, has been interrupted, all persons in the group shall split the cash equally.

Infraction: talking on a cell phone (or texting) while driving, thereby automatically not paying appropriate attention to the road, and thusly endangering other drivers. DWT (driving while talking or texting) shall be punishable by a $100 fine, a smack upside the head, and a 90-minute behavior and safety lecture by Kim Kardasian.

Infraction: annoying, cute or stupid ring tones. Shall be punishable by 24-hour suspension of cell phone service, including texting, and 3-months probation.

According to Washington insiders, 67% of U.S. adults over 21 favor the law while 98% of those between the ages of 8-21 oppose any restrictions whatsoever on obnoxious and annoying cell phone behavior.

The above headline and story is not true. It was made up, by the author, solely as comedy, with no intent to harm or offend. Any of it which turns out to be true, in whole or in part, is purely coincidental ... and would be even funnier.

copyright Andrew Lawrence. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced, in whole or in part, without written permission.