Monday


U.S. To Offer Free

'Winter In Waziristan'

Program




(Washington) - A new U.S. educational program was launched today, sponsored by the U.S. State Dept, offering a "Winter In Waziristan" vacation to any U.S. citizen who thinks that America sucks.

The program entails a 3-month winter stay in Waziristan, a rugged mountainous tribal area in northwest Pakistan, where you will live under native conditions. Under the program, any U.S. citizen who thinks America sucks, can visit Waziristan for the winter, live in a typical native cave or mud hut far from civilization and experience, first hand, the realities of hunger, poverty, lack of sanitation, disease, corruption and lawlessness.

The literacy rate in the area is 27% and, though there are few jobs to be had, during your 3-month stay in Waziristan you can get on-the-job training for a lucrative career in smuggling or illicit drug production. It's widely believed that the region is now host to many Al Quaeda and Taliban freedom fighters who escaped over the border from Afghanistan after 9/11 and the area is also rumored to be the current home of celebrity terrorist Osama Bin Laden.

During your winter wonderland stay in Waziristan, should the need arise, free medical care wil be provided by the local Taliban witch doctor.

On the bright side, there is intermittent dial-up internet access, limited cell phone service, cable TV featuring the Al Jazeera channel, free jihad lectures and free suicide bombing classes.

A State Dept spokesperson, commenting on the Winter in Waziristan program stated, "After a winter in Waziristan, if they survive, any U.S. citizen who still wants to think America sucks will at least have something to compare it to."

The reality based Winter in Waziristan program is free. It's open to any U.S. citizen who believes that the U.S. sucks, and is recommended for U.S. college students, university professors, ACLU members, Hollywood millionaires who hate capitalism, and limousine liberals.

Leading by example, Democratic millionaires Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Ted Kennedy are slated to be among the first participants in the Winter in Waziristan program.



DISCLAIMER
The above headline and story is not true. It was made up, by the author, solely as comedy, with no intent to harm or offend. Any of it which turns out to be true, in whole or in part, is purely coincidental ... and would be even funnier.


copyright 2007 Andrew Lawrence. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced, in whole or in part, without written permission.