Politicians Not Human

According To New Study

U.S. anthropologists today released the results of a 10-year study which revealed that politicians are actually not human but a sub-species of humanoids. As a result, politicians have been reclassified as a new humanoid sub-species named Bastardus Corrupticus.

A spokesperson for the Society of Human Beings, Hugh Mann, stated, "Though politicians share some of the same traits as homo sapiens they have a number of genetically different traits which require them to be reclassified as a sub-species. Some major differences between human beings, Homo Sapiens, and politicians, Bastardus Corrupticus, is that politicians have an extreme compulsive drive to gain office and seek re-election, have a natural ability to disregard anyone who doesn't give them campaign contributions, have a complete and utter lack of ethics, and have an innate talent to look and sound sincere while lying to your face.

Thus, the new study appears to prove what many U.S. voters and taxpayers have always suspected; that politicians are indeed, not human beings, but rather a humanoid sub-species. In addition, it turns out that, scientifically, politicians (Bastardus Corrupticus) are most closely related to another sub-species, Bastardus Legalus, commonly known as lawyers.

The above headline and story is not true. It was made up, by the author, solely as comedy, with no intent to harm or offend. Any of it which turns out to be true, in whole or in part, is purely coincidental ... and would be even funnier.

copyright Andrew Lawrence. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced, in whole or in part, without written permission.