U.S. To Put Iraq Up

For Auction On Ebay

(Baghdad) - After a worthless, fruitless investment of hundreds of billions of dollars, and thousands of lives, and under pressure by the American public and the Democratic Party, the U.S. has finally decided to end the war in Iraq, get out, and wash its hands of the whole mess.

A White House spokesperson revealed that, to accomplish that goal as quickly as possible, the U.S. will put Iraq up for auction on Ebay.

Bidding will start at $9.99, with no reserve, and is open to all Ebay members, domestic and international. Winning bidder will be notified by email.

The winning bidder will receive the entire country of Iraq, including religious and tribal strife, Al Qaeda insurgents, civil war, a dysfunctional military, an impotent government, an uncommitted and lackadaisical civilian population, and interference by neighboring fundamentalist countries for the next 100 years.

For the Ebay auction, Iraq is being offered "as is". There are no returns, no refunds and no exchanges.

Possible bidders include Iran, Syria, Warren Buffett, Wal-Mart and Disney.

The above headline and story is not true. It was made up, by the author, solely as comedy, with no intent to harm or offend. Any of it which turns out to be true, in whole or in part, is purely coincidental ... and would be even funnier.

copyright Andrew Lawrence. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced, in whole or in part, without written permission.