Actor Sean Penn

Buys Cuba

(Havana) - Hollywood actor and outspoken activist, Sean Penn, today announced he is buying Cuba, the communist island nation 90 miles off the U.S. coast of Florida.

The purchase price, which has not been disclosed, includes all of Cuba's sugar cane plantations, cigar manufacturing and health care system (featured in Michael Moore's documentary, SICKO). The deal does not include Guantanamo Bay, the offshore U.S. detention center in Cuba where suspected terrorists and other assorted suspects are imprisoned without Constitutional rights or due process.

The long time ruler of Cuba, communist dictator Fidel Castro, thanked Mr. Penn for the money Castro got for selling his country saying, "Muchos gracias. The people of Cuba thank you, even though they won't see a dime".

Hugo Chavez, Venezuela's billionaire dictator and new "Penn pal", said he introduced Penn and Castro, was thrilled about the Cuba deal, and hoped to get a finder's fee.

A spokesperson for Sean Penn stated, "Sean Penn is a great American actor who owes all his success to being an American but is too stupid to realize it. Instead of being grateful to capitalism, which made him rich and famous, he thinks like a communist and talks like a communist so, if you're Sean Penn, buying a communist country makes perfect sense".

Mr. Penn plans on keeping Cuba communist and plans on keeping Castro in power, even after Fidel is dead. Penn also plans to redevelop Havana and build multi-million dollar vacation homes to sell to his Hollywood cronies and other limousine liberals, all of whom follow the rule, "think like the poor, live like the rich".

The above headline and story is not true. It was made up, by the author, solely as comedy, with no intent to harm or offend. Any of it which turns out to be true, in whole or in part, is purely coincidental ... and would be even funnier.

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