Man Claims He's Never

Had A Starbucks!

(Los Angeles) - An American has claimed he has never had a Starbucks coffee in his entire life. Not even a sip. The incredible claim comes from Andrew Lawrence, a normal, college educated baby boomer who grew up in New York and has resided in Los Angeles for decades. He is a blog writer and an author.

"What can I say?" states Mr. Lawrence, "I do drink coffee; I like Folger's instant coffee and have no interest in fancy schmancy overpriced coffee that has enough caffeine in it to launch a rocket ship."

Millions of coffee drinkers across the U.S. were shocked to learn of the existence of someone who has never had a Starbucks. One Seattle denizen remarked, "I don't believe it. How else would someone get the boost they need to go to work and then, most importantly, stay awake at work? It's impossible to do it without tanking up on Starbucks."

Nonetheless, Andrew Lawrence stands by his claim. He's even willing to take a polygraph.

He further claims that he plans on continuing his no-Starbucks lifestyle and, in another even more incredible claim, states that he owns a cell phone ... but doesn't use it to send text messages!

The above headline and story is not true. It was made up, by the author, solely as comedy, with no intent to harm or offend. Any of it which turns out to be true, in whole or in part, is purely coincidental ... and would be even funnier.

copyright Andrew Lawrence. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced, in whole or in part, without written permission.